It’s February, the month of LOVE.
As an emotion, Love is undoubtedly worthy of its own month. In one breath, love can be both intense and sweet, scarce and omnipresent, and humble and ostentatious. It’s vexingly complicated, and it’s laughably simplistic. We know exactly what it is, and yet we frequently don’t see Love, even when it’s hiding in plain sight.
The emotion is commonly used to describe our feelings about everything from snack foods to ideas, romantic partners, pets, the weather and even people we’ve never met. Twenty-eight days a year to try to figure out what Love is and how to honor it properly seems like a good idea. February, you’re on!
Thankfully, the stores have been ready and waiting for us since the end of December, having whole sections of consumer goods pre-wrapped in red cellophane or topped off with a pink ribbon, guaranteed to fulfill our annual quota of Love. Valentine’s Day cards, heart-shaped boxes of candy, stuffed animals and decorated coffee mugs overflow the seasonal aisle at the grocery store, and our lesson is that to love is to give. More specifically, to love is to give to others.
Giving to others is beautiful. It is noble. It is life-changing and life-affirming. But, it is not the only kind of love that we need to exercise. Self-love is chronically undervalued and misunderstood. And, frequently, it is identified with characteristics like vanity, conceit, or narcissism. Self-love is NOT buying yourself that Valentine’s candy. Nor is it getting a manicure every week, or immersing yourself in inspirational quotes on the regular.
Self-love is an awareness and appreciation of yourself. It is dynamic and, ideally, always increasing. It blooms as you consistently make choices that allow the nurturing of your physical, psychological and spiritual growth. It cannot be bought, and it cannot be hastily achieved. Self-love takes time.
Here it is, February, the month of Love. This February, give some thought to how you can act in a way to nurture your self-love. Below are some ideas to get you started:
Practice Self-Care
The better care you take of yourself, the more likely you will increase your self-love. Give your body the nutrition, rest, and exercise it needs to function optimally. Respecting your body’s needs is the best self-care! That doesn’t mean that you should undertake a drastic diet and/or exercise regimen. It simply means to listen to what your body is telling you on a daily basis.
But, also be the adult in the room when your body wants to embrace inertia and a pint of ice cream. Notice when your body feels fantastic and when it doesn’t. Pay attention to how great you feel after a studio session, or a good night’s sleep, or a long walk outside. Start doing more of the things that make your body feel healthy, and soon your body will begin asking you for more!
And, don’t forget that self-care is as much about what thoughts you allow to take root in your mind as it is about what foods you allow into your body. Your mind is like a toddler, feeling and thinking on instinct. Your intelligence is the thoughtful, loving parent who guides and leads with wisdom and experience. Thoughts and emotions come and go. Allow your intelligence to welcome the ones that make you feel healthy and proud, and release (without judgment) the thoughts that don’t. If you have a flash of jealousy or defeat in a studio class, that’s ok. It’s normal. Release it without feeling bad about yourself. Then focus on how good it feels to move your body. How proud of yourself you are that you showed up. How fun it is to be in a room with friends, practicing self-care and supporting one another.
2. Be Selfish In the Short-term in order to be Selfless In The Long Run
Get comfortable establishing boundaries. Understand what you need for you, in order to be able to give to others, and don’t allow yourself to compromise your needs.
So many of the studio’s amazing clients are caregivers to ailing spouses. They come to the studio to nourish their bodies and their minds, in order to maintain the physical and emotional energy necessary to care for their loved ones. They inspire me every day!
New moms also quickly learn that they can’t give 110% of themselves all the time without feeling completely drained. Hormones and guilt combine to create a powerful argument that new moms should never leave the house, never leave the baby, never find a moment of peaceful solace to rest and recharge. This mindset is damaging and leads to a depletion of self-love if sustained for too long.
Taking time for yourself, to do something that makes you feel good in your body and your mind, is never a waste of time. It is never selfish. It is never counter-productive. Planning out the ability to make time for yourself to get to a Pilates or GYROTONIC® class, or take a walk, or meet a friend for coffee, is absolutely essential to your well-being and it will increase your self-love.
You are important. You should be a priority. You are worthy of feeling good and being happy. And when you feel good about yourself, you will give back to your friends, spouse and/or your kids way more than the version of you that constantly runs on empty, feeling overwhelmed and grumpy.
3. Practice Gratitude
The mind may be a wiley toddler, but it can be trained. When you feel yourself going down the mental path of victimhood and burden, gently lead it back on track with this trick. Change, “I have to go to work today,” to “I get to go to work today.” Similarly, “I have to go to the grocery store,” becomes “I get to go to the grocery store,” and “I have to drive my kids around all afternoon,” transforms into, “I get to drive my kids around all afternoon.”
Be mindful of the daily beauty in your life and exercise gratitude for it. Being able to work and be productive, being able to get to the store and walk the aisles, being able to spend time with loved ones, these are gifts! We end many sessions in the studio with a moment of gratitude for the ability to move our bodies. What a gift that is! It deserves a moment of recognition and it should put a smile on your face. Bask in that blessing and allow your immense gratitude to fuel you the next time that you don’t feel like getting out of bed or putting on your shoes to get out the door and exercise your body!
Practicing gratitude for the things that may seem insignificant, and the things that may otherwise feel obligatory, is the best way to quiet your rambunctious mind and invite mental clarity and peace. Such a mind will expand your ability to feel self-love.
4. Forgive Yourself
Forgive yourself for the bad relationship. Forgive yourself for the unkind or unhealthy thought. Forgive yourself for the knee-jerk reaction. Forgive yourself! We are all human and we all make mistakes. The mistakes take on lives of their own if we don’t learn from them, refuse to admit them, but then double-down on bad behavior and a damaging mindset.
You are worthy of your own forgiveness. Learn the lesson embedded in the mistake you made and move on, knowing that you have improved yourself by transforming an unfortunate event or thought into a vehicle for betterment.
The ability to forgive is an act of kindness. Consciously being kind to yourself increases your self-respect and your general feeling of worth. This, in turn, allows your self-love to grow unfettered.
This February, go ahead and give that box of chocolates. Or make the dinner reservations and buy the flowers. But, just as expressing our love this way once a year is not a substitution for acting with love as a guiding principle all year round, know that embarking on a journey to allow self-love to flourish takes more than an occasional pedicure or bubble bath. Self-love develops when you consistently practice self-care, gratitude, self-forgiveness, and the ability to prioritize your own needs.
LOVE ON!
Reference article: “A Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love”, by Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D., Psychology Today, March 27, 2012.